Hello World!
Tough times don’t last, tough people do. – Robert Schuller
My name is Ciana ‘Ci’, and I am an alcoholic. I’ve struggled with addiction for most of my life. As a teenager I experimented with drugs and alcohol but was always able to stop using drugs without any significant withdrawals or impact. Alcohol on the other hand, was not so easy.
I’ve maintained sobriety in the past for long periods of time but always given in to ‘one drink’. For those of us suffering from addiction you know that one drink is too many, and one more is never enough. I wanted this time to be different, I needed this time to be different, because no matter how much I lied to myself and tried to lie to everyone else, I could see the effects in every aspect of my life.
So, I went to rehab! I started journaling as part of my daily routine in rehab. I kept thinking about something I heard there that really resonated with me. I watched a recording of Brene Brown who said, “One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through, and it will be someone else’s survival guide.” I don’t know if this blog will become someone else’s survival guide or just my journal to reflect back on later, I will be stronger for it either way.
May you be sober and happy always! Ci
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Earning My Own Forgiveness
7.12.25 I’ve been thinking about what AA teaches about forgiving yourself. It struck me that in the program, self-forgiveness isn’t really something I can just declare or force. It’s something that happens when I take action to live differently. When I did my Fourth Step, writing out my inventory, it was the first time I
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No Burning Bush Required
7.11.25 I’ve come to realize I’m not waiting around for some big, spiritual moment to blow my mind. I’m not expecting a burning bush or some kind of holy thunderbolt. And honestly, I don’t need one. What I appreciate are the small miracles that come from being willing to connect with my Higher Power each
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Learning to Loosen My Grip
7.10.25 Today felt lighter. After a stretch of feeling hyper emotional and tightly wound, it was a relief to notice my mood shift to something more relaxed and openhearted. It reminded me that even when stress piles up, there’s still space to breathe and recalibrate. I’ve realized lately how much energy I spend trying to
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Who Wants to Admit They’re an Asshole?
7.9.25 So much of the Freedom From Bondage story in the Big Book resonated with me when we read it last night at book study. I think a lot of us are conditioned for alcoholism by our past traumas and experiences—some of us from a very young age. This disease is about so much more