Hello World!
Tough times don’t last, tough people do. – Robert Schuller
My name is Ciana ‘Ci’, and I am an alcoholic. I’ve struggled with addiction for most of my life. As a teenager I experimented with drugs and alcohol but was always able to stop using drugs without any significant withdrawals or impact. Alcohol on the other hand, was not so easy.
I’ve maintained sobriety in the past for long periods of time but always given in to ‘one drink’. For those of us suffering from addiction you know that one drink is too many, and one more is never enough. I wanted this time to be different, I needed this time to be different, because no matter how much I lied to myself and tried to lie to everyone else, I could see the effects in every aspect of my life.
So, I went to rehab! I started journaling as part of my daily routine in rehab. I kept thinking about something I heard there that really resonated with me. I watched a recording of Brene Brown who said, “One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through, and it will be someone else’s survival guide.” I don’t know if this blog will become someone else’s survival guide or just my journal to reflect back on later, I will be stronger for it either way.
May you be sober and happy always! Ci
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Relapse Nightmare
1.6.25 I woke up in a fit of terror at 3:30am this morning. I practically jumped out of bed covered in sweat, shaking, and frantically trying to figure out what was real and what wasn’t. I was hoping and praying that it was a dream. I’ve heard about relapse dreams but thought they were over
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Confidence
1.5.25 I am allowed to be imperfect and confident at the same time. I feel confident in some aspects of life more than others, and hyper focus on the areas I don’t feel confident in. Telling myself that I’m not allowed to feel confident in these areas until they are perfect. I’ve decided that’s bullshit.
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“I found out what the secret to life is: friends. Best friends.”
1.4.25 At my age, I don’t expect to make lots of new friends. Not because I don’t welcome or want new friendships, but because life and routine have settled in, and I don’t find myself in situations very often where I don’t already know most everyone around me. Until I went to rehab surrounded by
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Comfort Zone
1.3.25 Some days I struggle with what to write about, and other days I can’t put down my #2. Breaking old habits and creating a new lifestyle is really fucking difficult. I have to make a conscious effort every day to force myself out of my comfort zone and seek comfort in new places and