1.4.26
In Bill’s Story on page 12 it talks about the foundation of sobriety being complete willingness. Then in Into Action on page 75, it says to ask ourselves during meditation Have we skimped on the cement poured into the foundation? That sent my mind straight to willingness. Specifically, the willingness I came into AA with. Completely broken and desperate brought me the willingness to believe in a power greater than myself and to fully admit I am powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable.
In my short time I have seen, over and over, many alcoholics continue to suffer because they still have reservations. They are unwilling to concede that they can never drink again. Ever. For me, there is no going back to some imaginary time when I could drink socially. That ship never existed, and if it did, it sank like the fucking Titanic.
What I’ve learned is that honesty has to come before willingness. Without complete honesty, willingness is just talk. I have to stay honest about who I am and what happens when I drink, and I have to stay willing to do the work every day, not just when life is on fire.
As I continue to live this new way of life and try to practice the principles in all my affairs, I can’t afford to lose the honesty and willingness I came in with. The steps may be called suggestions, but for me, they are vital. Optional gets me drunk. Action keeps me sober.
It breaks my heart to see other alcoholics, especially friends, still suffering. Some may never gain the honesty and willingness. I’ve seen others get sober, get busy, and forget that this beautiful gift, this daily reprieve from alcohol, only works if we put in the work every damn day. My alcoholism is cunning, baffling, and powerful. If I let my guard down, it’s patient enough to wait me out.
So, I have to keep mixing honesty with willingness and pouring the cement thick. That foundation is the only reason I get to live this life today.
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