1.3.25
Some days I struggle with what to write about, and other days I can’t put down my #2. Breaking old habits and creating a new lifestyle is really fucking difficult. I have to make a conscious effort every day to force myself out of my comfort zone and seek comfort in new places and new healthy habits.
Most days I feel like a lost child cluelessly wandering around a county fair trying to find my parents. But instead, I’m an adult (using this term very loosely) trying to find myself. All of the rides and booths have Carie’s standing out front waving prizes at me and wanting me to spend my tickets at their attraction. The test is figuring out which ones lead backwards to my destructive lifestyle and which ones are scary because they are out of my comfort zone but push me forward to the new lifestyle I’m creating. It’s not easy to tell by looking always, so I have to try things out and see what works and what doesn’t. This bad horror movie picture I just painted for you is what I refer to as “shit days”, the days where you get a life brick to the face, as my friend Che would say. These are the days that I really need to talk to my support system or go to a meeting.
I’m determined. I want my sobriety. I want what the big book talks about. I want what the people in meetings have. So, I am going to keep getting out of my comfort zone and wandering because I have a purpose and goals.
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