Cravings

1.13.25

I have only really started noticing the correlation between full moons and my mood being even more extra in the last year or so. If you’ve been reading my blog, you know about my extra. I’m not high maintenance; I’m just a lot to handle mentally. Without a doubt, I could drive the sanest person in the world legally insane within a few days.

Anyway, I feel really meh for a few days and weird shit happens when there’s a full moon. I woke up at 2:30am in the middle of the night wide awake and ready for a drink! What in the actual fuck – where did that come from? I took some NON-ADDICTIVE sleepy pills and was able to fall back asleep until 4:00am and kind of still wanted that drink. So, I put my super sexy, holey, flannel robe on and headed for the coffee pot. Then onward to the bookshelf with my rapidly expanding collection of AA, NA, daily affirmations, and motivational books. Because everyone should be reading 5 or 6 books at once, right? There’s a little bit more of that extra for you to visualize.

I settled into my recliner with my coffee, blankie, Lifetime movie on in the background, and the AA big book. I had no idea what I was looking for, I didn’t even look and just picked a page. It was page 31, Chapter 3: More About Alcoholism and as I started to read, I knew that this was exactly what I needed at this exact time. I’ve already read this chapter several times and it is one of my favorites. The first two complete sentences on the page read “We have tried every imaginable remedy. In some instances there has been brief recovery, followed always by a still worse relapse.” I had restarted my day better than the first time and found 30 minutes of peace within myself as I continued to read.