1.15.25
I went to a big book study tonight and we read Student Of Life. When she finally admitted to a co-worker she thought she was an alcoholic but avoided AA because she didn’t think she had hit bottom yet, her co-worker replied “You hit bottom when you stop digging” I felt like I was being stabbed in the heart with a dull knife. The wave of emotions I felt when I admitted I was an alcoholic came rushing back and almost knocked the wind out of me.
I carried a shovel with me everywhere digging and digging until I didn’t want to dig anymore. Drinking and drinking until I didn’t want to drink anymore. I didn’t even realize when I had stopped digging and started dragging and scraping the shovel across the ground. Someone in the meeting said it perfectly, “I drank the fun out of drinking, and I used the fun out of using”. It was like losing the game of Life because I didn’t want to play a boring fucking board game anymore. Until you walk into one of these rooms and change the game up it’s not worth playing or living. I like living now and look forward to waking up every damn day.
P.S. I really do hate board games, not the figurative ones. Don’t ever ask me to hang out and play board games. I would rather be eaten alive slowly by red ants. I feel much better getting that off my chest after even writing the words ‘board games’.
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