1.16.25
I love having friends to figure this new and new again stuff out with. My religious internal turmoil was never caused by God. I had a few experiences with organized religion that led me to make the decision to never be involved with it again. I’ll spare you the details, but a few give you the highlights. 1. I am worthy of God’s love even if I can’t contribute an amount determined by an organization to be ‘acceptable’ to said organization. 2. James 4:12 There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor? God alone, who gave the law, is the Judge. He alone has the power to save or to destroy. 3. Everyone is allowed to believe their own interpretation. During active addiction, it was easier to use my negative experiences with organized religion to turn away from God completely than to face them.
AA and my desire to believe in a higher power are slowly directing me back to God because I am now strong enough to advocate for myself and my beliefs. This means I’m starting my relationship with God over and it’s still in that awkward stage like a first kiss with braces on. Talking with a friend this morning we both are in situations that we’re struggling with and suggested to each other that we should pray about it but weren’t set on doing it. He had a great idea, let’s pray for each other instead of ourselves. Fucking brilliant! It is so much easier to focus on what someone else needs and wanting to help them find the answers to their problems than it is to focus on myself. Although I did take a few minutes to throw some gratitude in for everything I have in my life.
I’m excited to change my habit of rolling my eyes and wanting to kick dirt when someone tells me “I’ll pray for you” to letting them know that I will pray for them too. Then praying for them!
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