1.18.25
I fell asleep in my recliner last night searching for words to express the rambling thoughts going through my mind about this topic. I recently heard an individual share their perspective on choices. They were noticeably irritated and aggressive while speaking. I’m very uncomfortable when people display these behaviors and debated leaving the room. I have no idea why it bothers me, I’m lucky that I don’t have past trauma from any kind of physical abuse to cause this to upset me. I just do not like it, I don’t want to be around it, period.
They shared that ‘real alcoholics’ don’t have a choice. Because of their body language and other things said, the message was not received well, and it sparked everyone else in the room to want to share their opinions on what is considered an alcoholic and whether or not alcoholics have choices. Even my roommate who rarely has the desire to share, was eager. And I mean that with much respect, my roommate does not share often but when he does it’s something either very wise or very wiseass, I appreciate them both equally. I also have a friend whose story is very similar to mine and my favorite part is the statement that they don’t have a choice because the next drink would kill them. The impact this statement has on me is profound. The point is that the outcome of this choice is so fucking drastic it needs to be said that way. Choosing to drink at this point in my life would quickly lead to my death because I wouldn’t be able to stop again. Sure, I probably have one more good round of drunk in me, but I don’t have the strength for another sober round. So, it took me a while to step back, think, and come up with my personal beliefs on choices regarding alcoholism.
I don’t believe that suffering from alcoholism is a choice; I am unsure if we are born with it, taught it by example, or developed it on our own. I do believe 1,000% that we have a choice to put in the work to be sober or give in and take the easy way out by picking up that bottle. I choose every day to wake up and look around at what I’m grateful for, even if I have to force myself. I choose every second, minute, hour of every day to be sober. I choose every day to put just as much effort into being sober as I did lying about my drinking problem. I choose every day to help someone else stay sober in any way I can. I choose to do my best to be a decent human being.
It’s not always fucking easy, but they say it will be worth it.
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