Out Of My Head, Into My Bed

2.5.25

I sleep in the living room most nights, on purpose. Not because I fall asleep on accident and definitely not because I pass out anymore. I make my little bed that reminds me of a fort in one of the recliners, with my blankets and a pillow, set my alarm, and cuddle in for the night.

I started to sleep in my bed at rehab, because they kind of require it, and it helped me start a regular sleep schedule. Since I’ve been home, I’ve been able to keep on my new sleep schedule, if I am on the couch. On the weekends I can usually stay up later at night and fall asleep in with the three kids but during the week it’s a lot tougher. I lay in bed and can’t shut my mind off. I’ve tried everything! TV, reading, sleep meditation, a white noise sleep machine, even counting fucking sheep. I end up having to pee, wanting sweets, getting into a show, the list goes on and on, but sleep is not on it.

Today, I decided to put my big girl pants on and bought a heavy blanket like the one I used at rehab, hoping that feeling bundled up in bed will help me fall asleep. If not, I’ll be looking at the most efficient way to knock myself out nightly with a blunt object. Lady J is going to be so impressed with this well thought out back-up plan when I lay it out tomorrow in counseling.

Also, the woman at Walgreens was extremely rude to me when I picked up my prescription. She asked very loudly if I knew how much the prescription cost and if I was able to pay for it. I was telling my best friend about it later. She asked what I was wearing and if I looked homeless. I responded that I was wearing the same thing I wore to work. So, yes, I looked homeless. But I was comfortable damn it!