2.26.25
Getting to know myself is not always easy. There are wonderful parts of the journey, but I can’t ignore the difficult and painful parts either. I dislike the word ‘defects’. My definition is “wrong, bad, unchangeable, something to feel shame or guilt about”. I looked up the definition in the dictionary this morning and it reads “an imperfection or abnormality that impairs quality, function, or utility”.
Both definitions send my mind racing. Can a defect be permanently fixed? Should a defect be permanently fixed? Don’t we need defects for balance? If there was no balance, and the world was perfect, it would also be really fucking boring. The AA phrase “strive for progress not perfection” can be applied to all aspects of life and that is how I’m thinking of it now, not just towards my sobriety. I’m not saying I love being an alcoholic, but I am proud to be an alcoholic in recovery because it has opened my eyes and given me tools I can use to improve my life overall. I’m not proud of the mistakes I’ve made or the people I’ve hurt along the way, but I believe there should be good and bad. Some sort of happy medium.
I am going to replace defects in my vocabulary with traits. It has a neutral meaning to me instead of a negative one. I can work on changing and improving my character traits without a bad feeling for the process before I even start a task. I’m glad we got this one worked out for the day. 🙂
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