Gold Stars Don’t Keep Me Sober

7.25.25

We live in a society of instant gratification. It’s expected — even demanded. I see it more and more with each younger generation. Add in the disease of addiction, and you’ve got monsters. It’s like being surrounded by robot soldiers from the movies. Myself included.

I did something for someone else. I finished a task. I met a goal.
Where’s my reward? Well, here’s your gold fucking star.

Realizing there’s no magical prize or pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is a buzzkill. But AA has helped me learn something deeper: the real prize is inside. I need to look inward for validation — not ignore the good I feel, not brush it aside. I need to feel it, sit with it, and be grateful for it.

Being of service helps me stay sober. That’s the reward. That’s the gold star.
I love the small service positions I have at my meetings — they make me feel useful, and they remind me that I’m part of something. Still, I’m searching for a service role that really fills me with purpose, one where I can give my whole self.

I’m still too selfish to sponsor — not until I hit a year sober, at least.
But I’ll keep searching. I want to give all of myself to something that matters.