Sunday Reset

8.24.25

Yesterday I carried anxiety around like a weight. That nagging feeling that there isn’t enough time followed me everywhere. By this morning, it all came crashing down. I woke up, saw the time, and had a full-blown anxiety attack. Ugly crying and all. I beat myself up for watching a movie last night, for waking up at 3am and not being able to fall back asleep, and worst of all—high treason—for sleeping in on a Sunday.

I cried hard for twenty minutes. Then I paused. I made a list of what needed to be done today and called my sponsor for some much-needed support. That call was the reset I needed. She reminded me of things I always seem to forget when I’m caught in the spiral. Guilt, for one, isn’t even on the list of character defects. When I feel it, the first question I need to ask myself is whether I have actually done something wrong. More often than not, I haven’t—it’s just my fear and perfectionism twisting reality.

She also reminded me that everything in our program is a suggestion, not a law. The steps, the readings, the routines—they’re tools, not punishments. The point is to find what works for me and to stay connected with my Higher Power in the process. What grounds one person might not be what grounds me, and that’s okay. There’s no reason to feel guilt or shame because I don’t do something exactly as someone else does.

That conversation helped me remember what AA has taught me: progress, not perfection. I am human, not a machine. My job isn’t to meet every expectation, but to stay honest, willing, and open to guidance. My fear of letting people down, of not being able to do everything, is really just my old thinking sneaking back in. The truth is, the program works when I let go of control and remember that I’m not running the show—my Higher Power is.

Today I can see that what felt like failure this morning was really just another opportunity to practice humility, honesty, and acceptance. I’m still human, and that’s more than enough.