Gratitude in Focus

10.18.25

I was like a kid in a candy store last night when I got to the alumni meeting and saw a cute little photo setup with a hay bale and pumpkins. Lucky for me, my friend — who happens to be a photographer and cinematographer — was there too, so naturally, we had a little glamour photo shoot.

He asked if I wanted the NP sign in the background. Fuck yes. This place played a huge part in saving my life. All of our lives. That’s why we come back every Friday night — to support the current inmates. (Okay, fine…they’re residents.)

This morning, I looked at the pictures and was instantly overwhelmed with emotion — it brought me to tears and almost to my knees. I sent them to my best friend and said, “Remember when you dropped me off there and it saved my life?” She wrote back, “Do you remember singing Amy Winehouse’s Rehab on your walk in?”

Uhhh, fuck no. She just wanted to hear me laugh before I went in — both of us not knowing how things would turn out.

When I tell people that she made a hundred phone calls, found me a bed, set up my insurance, and did everything to get me help, they’re stunned. Their reactions remind me just how blessed I am.

Sometimes I still wonder why. At the time, I just wanted to quietly disappear. But a few people saw how far gone I was — and somehow still believed I was worth saving. The list wasn’t long, because I had isolated and shut out almost everyone.

The alumni meeting topic last night was gratitude. And this morning, looking at those photos and remembering how far I’ve come. I feel it in my bones how grateful for every single person who stood by me — and still does.