Dark Skies

10.25.25

I had to check the clock three times when I woke up this morning because it was so dark outside. The rain was coming down hard, and everything felt gray and still. Idaho winters sneak up like that. One day it’s crisp and bright, and the next it’s dark before dinner and raining when you wake. And if you don’t like it, wait five minutes. That’s how quickly it’ll change.

My parents sent Kendall and I UNR shirts that arrived today. Perfect timing to watch my team get curb-stomped by BSU. But fuck it, I’m not a fair-weather fan. I’ll keep wearing it proudly around town, win or lose.

Some of my friends in recovery are struggling. A few with relapse, others with that lost, stagnant feeling that comes when life feels flat even though we’re sober. Sobriety is a different way of life, but it’s still life. It doesn’t promise peace or joy all the time. Some days it’s just about doing the next right thing and holding on.

The control freak in me wants to step in, fix everything, take away their pain. But that’s not my job. I can show up, listen, offer love, and remind them of the tools that helped me, but I can’t carry it for them. If I do, I end up weighed down and useless to everyone, including myself.

My first instinct right now is to ask, “Did you pray about it?” even though I know that’s not always what someone wants to hear. But for me, it’s the one thing that always helps me find my way back when I start to feel like there’s no way out. A good friend also reminded me today that we have to celebrate the wins, no matter how small or insignificant they seem. And laughing at how absurd they sound to normies is always a way to lighten the mood.