2.18.25
Somedays I have to allow myself to just be a cranky bitch. I slept well, in my bed for brownie points. I did have another disturbing dream that I relapsed but stayed pretty positive throughout the day. On my way home I continued listening to my book and know it’s helpful in my growth. I keep finding myself saying “That’s me!” when the author is reading examples, but it also sparks painful memories that I’d rather not be reminded of. It makes me want to fucking scream and drop kick the hypothetical book. I was hoping the women’s meeting would cheer me up and get me out of my funk, it didn’t. I wanted to act like a toddler and leave to come home to pout by myself.
I’m the only thing standing in my way and have no desire to move. I want to lie down on the damn train tracks and be a cranky bitch. And that’s what I’m going to do. If I need any justification, my daughter said I can be a cranky bitch and laughed at me on FaceTime. Funny that as I put my #2 to paper, I can feel the tension and irritation easing away. I get to lay my head on my pillow tonight sober and should probably do that sooner than later to spare my poor animals from what’s left of my cranky bitchiness.
Schedule and goals for tomorrow…
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