5.20.25
Fuck Everything And Run. False Evidence Appearing Real. What a great topic tonight, and I met with my sponsor before the meeting to go over my Step Four fear list.
I fear everything and nothing at the same time. I mentally divide my fears into four categories: major, emotional, minor, and irrational. Welcome to a sneak peek inside my madness! I have no way to explain how I determine these categories, and most of my fears fit into multiple categories, if not all of them. However, when I think of a fear and one category stands out, I toss it into that bucket. Death, loss of a loved one, and relapse are major fears. Rejection, abandonment, and vulnerability are emotional fears. Humiliation, snakes, sex, and failure are minor fears. And last but not least, heights, getting old, sharks, and material loss are irrational fears. Irrational is a nice and easy way of saying stupid and fucking annoying.
I have all of these fears and work hard every day to let my faith outweigh them. Tonight, I heard something about trust, and it reassured me that I’m not alone in my feelings. I appreciate the saying, “You can’t live in fear and faith at the same time.” But I can and do have fears and faith at the same time. It’s the trust in my faith and HP that allows me to face my fears head-on and overcome them.
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