2.14.25
Self-love is a hot topic on this lovely Valentine’s Day. I think everyone struggles with self-love at times regardless of whether or not they suffer from addiction. Addiction adds an extra layer to the level of self-loathing in the mix. Sometimes it’s just fucking hard to look in a mirror and love the person staring back at you. It can feel like you’re looking at a stranger. I know for myself, more often than not, I see regret. All the hurt, pain, and suffering I’ve caused to myself and everyone else in the wake of my self-destruction. Love is usually the last emotion that comes to mind when I look in the mirror.
Someone very special to me told me today they appreciated me because they can be themself with me and I don’t judge them. I do judge them, I judge them for the person they are today and the things they say today, not by their past. I try to treat others the way I want to be treated. And I want to be forgiven and shown grace for my past, not be judged by it. I want to be seen for the better version of myself I am striving and working hard to become. I want to be judged for my actions and what I say today. I do this for others because I empathize deeply with these feelings and the constant turmoil they cause.
Every day it gets easier to hate my reflection less and try to practice self-love of the better version of myself I want to show off to everyone around me.
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