Letting Go Like I Mean It

02.08.26

I’m making a conscious effort to actually practice the principles of this program in all my affairs. Not just fucking talk about them like a motivational poster. And shocker…when I use the tools, life feels a whole lot less like a self-inflicted emergency.

This week I keep circling back to one of the biggest reasons I used to drink. When the people I care about are hurting, I take it on like it’s my job description. Chief Emotional Mule. I feel their pain, I want to fix it, and I want to bulldoze any obstacle in their way. In the past, that pressure was a straight shot to the bottle because the weight was too much and I didn’t know another way out.

Sobriety has forced me to learn new responses. Mostly because the old ones were killing me. I still feel everything just as intensely, sometimes even more, but I’m not carrying it solo anymore. I’ve got a Higher Power I can hand the mess to when it’s too big for me. That’s not weakness, that’s sanity.

These tools I’ve been freely given work when I use them instead of admiring them from afar.
The Steps. Prayer. Service. Reaching out. Letting people in. Writing stuff down and stuffing it into my Gox Boxes when my brain decides it’s time to catastrophize at Olympic levels. It’s ridiculous how much relief comes from just admitting, “Hey, I can’t handle this one alone.” Turns out the universe does not, in fact, need me to quarterback everyone’s problems.

This morning’s women’s meeting hit me in that grounded, practical way only a good meeting can. Someone shared about her Catholic mother-in-law who literally says prayers addressed to “To Whom It May Concern.” I love that. Here’s a woman deeply rooted in her own faith who still understands that spirituality isn’t a one-size-fits-all hoodie. If she can be open-minded after decades of religious Catholic discipline, then there’s hope for everyone else wandering around out there acting like spiritual bouncers.

Recovery isn’t about arriving at some polished version of enlightenment. It’s about showing up, staying teachable, and accepting that my way is not the only way. Thank God for that.

So today’s gratitude list is simple and unsentimental:

• I don’t drink to outrun feelings anymore.
• I don’t confuse “love” with “fixing.”
• I know what tools to reach for when life throws its 1,000-pound problems at me.
• I’m not carrying everything alone.
• And I still get surprised by real-world examples of open-mindedness and grace.

Not a bad place to stand on a random week in recovery. Progress is progress. Even when it’s messy, loud, and imperfect.