10.06.25
Letting go has been on my mind a lot lately. I can’t control other people, places, or things — no matter how much I want to. I’m getting better at reminding myself of this and not wasting energy trying to. But I still spend a lot of time wondering why people do what they do, what they’re thinking, or what makes them act the way they act. I can drive myself crazy trying to figure it out, and the truth is, I’ll probably never understand their reasoning. Most of the time, they don’t want to explain it anyway. I think this falls into the same category as control — trying to make sense of things that aren’t mine to manage. It’s another thing I need to let go of and hand over to my Higher Power.
Tonight’s topic at the meeting was will power. That one hit home. If there’s one thing most people in AA can agree on, it’s that will power alone can’t save us. If sheer determination could have kept me sober, I wouldn’t need the program. I tried so many times to stop drinking on my own — to “just do better,” to “be stronger,” to “try harder.” Every time I swore it would be different, it wasn’t. My will power always ran out, and the same cycle repeated itself.
It wasn’t until I admitted that my own will power wasn’t enough that things began to change. Surrendering felt like defeat at first, but I’ve learned it’s actually where freedom begins. When I finally asked my Higher Power to take over — when I truly let go — my life started to shift in ways I couldn’t have imagined. It’s strange, but giving up control is what’s given me peace.
Now I see that will power isn’t about forcing outcomes or muscling through life on my own terms. It’s about having the willingness to turn my will over — again and again — especially when my mind wants to take back the steering wheel. That’s the kind of power that keeps me sober today.
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