Hello World!

Tough times don’t last, tough people do. – Robert Schuller

My name is Ciana ‘Ci’, and I am an alcoholic. I’ve struggled with addiction for most of my life. As a teenager I experimented with drugs and alcohol but was always able to stop using drugs without any significant withdrawals or impact. Alcohol on the other hand, was not so easy.

I’ve maintained sobriety in the past for long periods of time but always given in to ‘one drink’. For those of us suffering from addiction you know that one drink is too many, and one more is never enough. I wanted this time to be different, I needed this time to be different, because no matter how much I lied to myself and tried to lie to everyone else, I could see the effects in every aspect of my life.

So, I went to rehab! I started journaling as part of my daily routine in rehab. I kept thinking about something I heard there that really resonated with me. I watched a recording of Brene Brown who said, “One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through, and it will be someone else’s survival guide.” I don’t know if this blog will become someone else’s survival guide or just my journal to reflect back on later, I will be stronger for it either way.

May you be sober and happy always! Ci

  • Idahome

    3.29.25 I was reminded of how beautiful the state of Idaho is today. I was awake long before the sun and took a short drive north to a hot spring. The weather was overcast, and deer and elk were everywhere. We were lucky to have the hot spring pool all to ourselves. It rained on…

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  • Mama

    3.28.25 My beautiful mama is 70 years old today. I started thinking about how to describe her best and the impact she has on my life. It made my eyes leak and my heart full. Even if she did say the most fucked up thing, I’ve ever heard the other day. She reminded me that…

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  • Hell Is Freezing

    3.27.25 I wish I didn’t kill so many brain cells with alcohol. The ones I have left hurt after today. It was a great day at work, I had to buckle up the toolbelt and use the tools and skills I’m learning in recovery at work. Instead of reacting I paused and looked at the…

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  • Grouchy

    3.26.25 Somedays are just more emotional than others. Now I don’t reach for the bottle. Instead, I reach for words in a book, prayer, podcast or a song searching for the instant comfort that alcohol used to bring me. These things do make me feel better but it’s different and I’m still getting used to…

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