Hello World!

Tough times don’t last, tough people do. – Robert Schuller

My name is Ciana ‘Ci’, and I am an alcoholic. I’ve struggled with addiction for most of my life. As a teenager I experimented with drugs and alcohol but was always able to stop using drugs without any significant withdrawals or impact. Alcohol on the other hand, was not so easy.

I’ve maintained sobriety in the past for long periods of time but always given in to ‘one drink’. For those of us suffering from addiction you know that one drink is too many, and one more is never enough. I wanted this time to be different, I needed this time to be different, because no matter how much I lied to myself and tried to lie to everyone else, I could see the effects in every aspect of my life.

So, I went to rehab! I started journaling as part of my daily routine in rehab. I kept thinking about something I heard there that really resonated with me. I watched a recording of Brene Brown who said, “One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through, and it will be someone else’s survival guide.” I don’t know if this blog will become someone else’s survival guide or just my journal to reflect back on later, I will be stronger for it either way.

May you be sober and happy always! Ci

  • 21 Amends

    01.25.26 Today cracked my heart wide open. My baby is 21, and I don’t know how that’s real. There’s joy in it, but there’s also this deep, almost aching awareness of how close I came to missing all of it. How easily this day could’ve been one I wasn’t part of. The women’s meeting this

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  • The Edge of Living

    01.18.26 I’ve been spending way too much time in my again head lately. Circling the same thoughts. Replaying, predicting, controlling, rehearsing. Trying to make outcomes feel safer before they even exist. It’s exhausting. And shocking…it’s not working. This shows me that I need Step One. Not because I’m failing but because I’m human. Step One

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  • Clarity Without Anesthesia

    01.12.26 I am really good at making things completely irrational in my head. Like, really, really good. Friday night I was reminded that not everything is about me, and that realization landed harder than I expected. You’d think it would have snapped me out of the funk I feel coming into my birthday week, but

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  • Foundation

    1.4.26 In Bill’s Story on page 12 it talks about the foundation of sobriety being complete willingness. Then in Into Action on page 75, it says to ask ourselves during meditation Have we skimped on the cement poured into the foundation? That sent my mind straight to willingness. Specifically, the willingness I came into AA

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