Hello World!
Tough times don’t last, tough people do. – Robert Schuller
My name is Ciana ‘Ci’, and I am an alcoholic. I’ve struggled with addiction for most of my life. As a teenager I experimented with drugs and alcohol but was always able to stop using drugs without any significant withdrawals or impact. Alcohol on the other hand, was not so easy.
I’ve maintained sobriety in the past for long periods of time but always given in to ‘one drink’. For those of us suffering from addiction you know that one drink is too many, and one more is never enough. I wanted this time to be different, I needed this time to be different, because no matter how much I lied to myself and tried to lie to everyone else, I could see the effects in every aspect of my life.
So, I went to rehab! I started journaling as part of my daily routine in rehab. I kept thinking about something I heard there that really resonated with me. I watched a recording of Brene Brown who said, “One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through, and it will be someone else’s survival guide.” I don’t know if this blog will become someone else’s survival guide or just my journal to reflect back on later, I will be stronger for it either way.
May you be sober and happy always! Ci
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The Promises
11.7.25 The Ninth Step Promises is a great topic for a meeting. Keeping myself grounded and remembering where I came from is the most important part of them for me. “If we are painstaking about this phase of our development…” Painstaking. It can be painful, it can be miserable, it can be downright fucking brutal
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Faith with the Brakes Cut
11.6.25 I didn’t make time for my daily readings this morning, and as I read them tonight, two things stand out. Humility and faith. Humility in sobriety? No problem. I know I can’t recover on my own. That was tried and proven to fail. I need my Higher Power and band of misfits. It’s the
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I Can’t Stop the Pain
11.5.25 Lately, writing has felt heavier than usual. My thoughts keep looping, and I can’t tell if it’s the time change, the gray weather, or just emotional exhaustion catching up to me. Last night, my dreams were wild. In one, I was making a small sacrifice at work. Something I thought I had to do
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Just Because, Fuck Yeah
11.3.25 I’ve spent years weighed down by shame for choosing to drink instead of living the life I wanted to. I let alcohol run my life, and I let my dreams and aspirations slip by. I used to replay all of it in my head, dwelling on what I didn’t do, what I wasted, what