4.22.25
Tonight, we read Step Eleven from the Twelve and Twelve. The first thing I realized is, typical for me, I’m doing it ass-backwards. I always meditate and then pray, but I don’t think it really matters if I listen or speak first, as long as I’m making an effort to practice both. The second thing I realized is that I’m definitely not doing the prayer thing correctly. I’m not St. Francis.
I learned a long time ago not to pray for my will for myself. Praying for my will falls on deaf ears because it’s obvious I have no fucking idea what is best for me. But I have forgotten that I also don’t know what’s best for others, even if my prayer is sincere and said as an act of kindness or love. I have to remember to pray only for Thy will for others, as I do for myself. No matter how painful it may be for me or others. This is where faith plays such an important role.
Meditation comes easily to me at this season in my life. It’s calming and peaceful. I meditate early in the mornings when most of the world is still asleep, and I’m not worried about work or anything else. A friend shared tonight that when she started her recovery, going to meetings and listening to others share was meditation to her. That is exactly how I feel! People tease that I don’t share in meetings, and it’s absolutely true; I don’t share often. I share here in my journal/blog, and by the time I hit an evening meeting, all I want to do is listen and absorb what others share. I never thought of it as a type of meditation until I heard her share.
When I say my prayers tonight, I will pray for Thy will for all and give thanks for laying my head on my pillow at the end of another sober 24.
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