Settled

5.3.25

This week, life has definitely life’d my daughter and me. I have been exhausted and felt like I could sleep for a week straight. I know that Kendall is dealing with a mountain of emotions, and I can only be supportive and calm for her. I met with Lady J on Thursday. I always appreciate her insight and advice. We talked about the stages of grief, and I will do the same with Kendall when she’s ready.

Despite Tyson’s passing this week, I’m starting to feel emotionally settled into my sobriety. My recovery. I am still cautiously optimistic and know I have to continue working my program, working with my sponsor, and going to meetings. But I am comfortable and happy with my new way of life. It feels good not feeling ashamed because I am dependent on alcohol every minute of every day.

I even did something I swore I would never do again. I bought a fucking dining room table. They represent family. I didn’t feel deserving of a family because I broke mine. But I’ve realized that I do deserve a family, and I have a loving one made up of friends and family. My little dining room table with a crisp tablecloth and bright yellow daisies sitting on top makes me happy and content this morning.