09.09.25
I recently heard “why is not a spiritual question” and honestly, it bugged me at first. I mean, don’t we need to know why? If I can figure out why something happened, maybe I can fix it, right? I want to fix everything.
But the more I sit with it, the more I see how “why” can trap me. The why trap shows up when I’m stuck in why did this happen to me? why do I always mess things up? why do people treat me this way?—I’m not moving forward. I’m just spinning. It keeps me stuck in resentment and self-pity.
And when I’m asking why someone else does something, that’s usually fear talking. The why trap makes me believe if I can just figure them out, I’ll feel safe. But really, I want reassurance. I’m afraid it’s about me. Afraid I’m not good enough. Even if I got an answer, it probably wouldn’t settle me, because the real issue isn’t them—it’s my fucking fear.
Spiritually, “why” just doesn’t get me anywhere. The better questions are what now? and how do I grow? Instead of why did I drink like that? it’s what do I need to do today to stay sober? Instead of why do people hurt me? it’s how can I take care of myself and set boundaries?
“Why” can be useful in therapy or learning. But in recovery, the why trap keeps me stuck. The freedom comes when I let go of needing to know “why” and focus on what’s right in front of me.
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