1.2.25
I’m learning a lot about myself in counseling and feel more comfortable with my counselor every session. It is without a doubt emotionally draining, but dealing with old, ignored emotions isn’t supposed to be easy. It’s just necessary to make room for better emotions.
I relate counseling to a hostage situation. But I’m not sure which one of us is the hostage. As J pointed out this morning, I am all or nothing, if I decide to do something I am giving it 100% effort. That’s why I was such a fucking fantastic drunk! Also why, in my mind, going to counseling is just as important as breathing is to living.
For an hour I share my feelings and emotions about whatever is going on in my life and ask for help. J is very good at teaching me how to dissect the situation into manageable parts so that I can understand them better, then talk through what my initial reaction would be, and how to best respond to the situation instead. I’m learning how my mind works, and this process relieves so much stress and anxiety that my OCD causes. Knowing that I need to ‘table’ these situations until I can complete this process takes a huge weight off of my shoulders. J reminded me that I have started over, exploring, and learning so much about myself. But I also needed to live and experience life as I had previously, or I wouldn’t be able to understand the lessons that I am learning from them now.
I still have no idea which one of us is the hostage in this situation but at least she’s getting paid, although probably not nearly enough, to deal with crazies like me who walk through her door on a regular basis. If you’re curious about counseling or think you may benefit from it, just make the fucking appointment. But go in with an open mind or it will never work!
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