Wasted Time to Living Time

09.06.25

I felt like a little kid today, excited to try out my new edger. It threw a lot of sparks, but the yard looks good. I’ll get better with it the more I use it – and maybe not start a fire. As soon as I got home, the rain started, which forced me to take a break. I ended up on the couch with a blanket and a movie. It felt like a perfect fall day, even though it’s back in the 90’s tomorrow.

Spring and fall have always been my favorite seasons. Winter and summer feel harsh, the way life used to feel when I was drinking. Back then, alcohol called the shots. Every plan I made had to factor in when and how I was going to drink. If I had something to do, I either rushed through it so I could start drinking, or I put it off completely because drinking took priority. The simplest things — mowing the yard, doing laundry, paying bills — became huge tasks. And if I did get something done, I felt like I “earned” a drink, which just kept the cycle going.

Weekends were the worst for that. I’d start out with good intentions, but once I started drinking, the plans disappeared. Days blurred together, and I had little to show for them. Alcohol wasn’t just something I did — it was the center of everything.

Now my weekends look different. Tomorrow I’m going to Art in the Park with friends, and I know I’ll actually follow through. Even learning how to use a yard tool feels like progress. These small wins matter. Recovery has given me back control of my time instead of handing it all over to the bottle. I don’t have to plan my life around alcohol anymore — I get to live it.