Hello World!
Tough times don’t last, tough people do. – Robert Schuller
My name is Ciana ‘Ci’, and I am an alcoholic. I’ve struggled with addiction for most of my life. As a teenager I experimented with drugs and alcohol but was always able to stop using drugs without any significant withdrawals or impact. Alcohol on the other hand, was not so easy.
I’ve maintained sobriety in the past for long periods of time but always given in to ‘one drink’. For those of us suffering from addiction you know that one drink is too many, and one more is never enough. I wanted this time to be different, I needed this time to be different, because no matter how much I lied to myself and tried to lie to everyone else, I could see the effects in every aspect of my life.
So, I went to rehab! I started journaling as part of my daily routine in rehab. I kept thinking about something I heard there that really resonated with me. I watched a recording of Brene Brown who said, “One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through, and it will be someone else’s survival guide.” I don’t know if this blog will become someone else’s survival guide or just my journal to reflect back on later, I will be stronger for it either way.
May you be sober and happy always! Ci
-
Patience, Patience, Patience
6.3.25 Patience is a virtue, but it’s also a pain in the ass. I’m learning patience — and like with most things, I find it much easier to show patience with others than with myself. Lately, I’ve been recognizing the moments where I extend grace to people in situations that the old me wouldn’t have
-
Self-Compassion
6.2.25 Ironically, self-compassion isn’t even in the dictionary. I had to look up the definition of compassion instead: “sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it.” Psychologist Kristin Neff defines self-compassion as being made up of three key elements: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Book club was wonderful as always. I
-
Panic Attack
6.1.25 Today was a hard one. I had my first full-blown panic attack since starting recovery. Yesterday, while I was with my sponsor, we talked about plans for the weekend. I mentioned that my best friend’s daughter’s bridal shower was today. She reminded me that emotional milestones—like finishing Step Five—can be triggers. She offered to
-
Steps Four And Five
5.31.25 I finished my Fifth Step today with my sponsor. The experience was truly sublime. I came prepared—with spreadsheets, printouts, lists, and notes. You name it, I thought of it. Organization helps me feel in control, especially when diving into something as personal and emotionally charged as this. Against my nature, I refrained from bringing