Hello World!
Tough times don’t last, tough people do. – Robert Schuller
My name is Ciana ‘Ci’, and I am an alcoholic. I’ve struggled with addiction for most of my life. As a teenager I experimented with drugs and alcohol but was always able to stop using drugs without any significant withdrawals or impact. Alcohol on the other hand, was not so easy.
I’ve maintained sobriety in the past for long periods of time but always given in to ‘one drink’. For those of us suffering from addiction you know that one drink is too many, and one more is never enough. I wanted this time to be different, I needed this time to be different, because no matter how much I lied to myself and tried to lie to everyone else, I could see the effects in every aspect of my life.
So, I went to rehab! I started journaling as part of my daily routine in rehab. I kept thinking about something I heard there that really resonated with me. I watched a recording of Brene Brown who said, “One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through, and it will be someone else’s survival guide.” I don’t know if this blog will become someone else’s survival guide or just my journal to reflect back on later, I will be stronger for it either way.
May you be sober and happy always! Ci
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That’s Not How That Works
5.13.25 I’m reading through what I’ve written so far for my Fourth Step and laughing because that is definitely not how that works. Fuck. I have lots of good notes, but I need to pause, talk to my sponsor, and redo this. My writing has taken me down a rabbit hole, and I need some
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First Chair
5.12.25 Yesterday ended up being such a great day that I have to write about Mother’s Day again. I was up early journaling in my happy place: the recliner, coffee, dogs sleeping, and a creepy cat lurking. I didn’t know why at the time, but I felt the need to be early for my women’s
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Mother’s Day
5.11.25 Happy Mother’s Day to all the wonderful mothers I have the privilege of knowing. I am very lucky to have my mother, a step-mom, and two ex-mother-in-laws with whom I still have relationships. Both of my grandmothers have passed, but I have loving memories of them both throughout my childhood and into early adulthood.
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Emotional Tug Of War
5.10.25 For too many years, whenever I was dealing with an emotional tug of war, my go-to was drinking alcohol. No matter the magnitude or insignificance of the matter, I was sure alcohol was the answer. I searched fearlessly for the answer at the bottom of a glass. I’m grateful that my first instinct is