Hello World!
Tough times don’t last, tough people do. – Robert Schuller
My name is Ciana ‘Ci’, and I am an alcoholic. I’ve struggled with addiction for most of my life. As a teenager I experimented with drugs and alcohol but was always able to stop using drugs without any significant withdrawals or impact. Alcohol on the other hand, was not so easy.
I’ve maintained sobriety in the past for long periods of time but always given in to ‘one drink’. For those of us suffering from addiction you know that one drink is too many, and one more is never enough. I wanted this time to be different, I needed this time to be different, because no matter how much I lied to myself and tried to lie to everyone else, I could see the effects in every aspect of my life.
So, I went to rehab! I started journaling as part of my daily routine in rehab. I kept thinking about something I heard there that really resonated with me. I watched a recording of Brene Brown who said, “One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through, and it will be someone else’s survival guide.” I don’t know if this blog will become someone else’s survival guide or just my journal to reflect back on later, I will be stronger for it either way.
May you be sober and happy always! Ci
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Mother’s Day
5.11.25 Happy Mother’s Day to all the wonderful mothers I have the privilege of knowing. I am very lucky to have my mother, a step-mom, and two ex-mother-in-laws with whom I still have relationships. Both of my grandmothers have passed, but I have loving memories of them both throughout my childhood and into early adulthood.
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Emotional Tug Of War
5.10.25 For too many years, whenever I was dealing with an emotional tug of war, my go-to was drinking alcohol. No matter the magnitude or insignificance of the matter, I was sure alcohol was the answer. I searched fearlessly for the answer at the bottom of a glass. I’m grateful that my first instinct is
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Humble Pie With A Side Of Crow
5.9.25 Last night, I was listening to my book on the way to my birthday dinner at my sponsor’s house when the words hit me like a life brick to the face. I am obsessed with the need to feel loved and secure. It’s not that I want to please people, but I want people
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Six Months!
5.8.25 How did I do it? H.O.W. Honesty, Open-mindedness, and Willingness is how I did it. Why? I did it because I had reached the point of no return. I was completely powerless over alcohol and my life was an unmanageable shitshow. Katy Perry had nothing on me. I have learned a lot about myself